Dear Theresa,
Oh Theresa, I am turning 60 years old this year, 2020. The good news is, I feel 30. Such dissonance when I peer into the mirror. I see our mother, more than I see me. I really, really really loved that woman. Such a kind human and an amazing mother. Her upbringing molded a strong needy side too, and because of that, I have learned many things and made some different choices.
Overall, I am happy with what I see. I do try to have my soul shine through my face. Maybe my eyes? I still like to make people laugh, myself included! I am happy and I am here to talk about it, that’s the most important thing. Right? I am healthy and everything works and I have friends and work. And the world is totally fucked up and it’s so in my face some days. And yet I am here to make a difference in our corner of the world.
Today for example it was so hard to see all the waste in the dining hall. I brought my own traveling metal fork though. One less plastic fork in the landfill, one. Jeeeez.
I think I was the only one, out of 8,000 women. The chicken I ate was probably raised in horrible conditions, with antibiotics and hormones. And yet, I needed my protein. My friend Della was consuming a Diet Coke too. I wondered does she not know how precious her body is? Everybody ate their cookies, no one looked at the ingredients. Although the ingredients were actually pretty good!
When our Lyft dropped us off this am, Tru Green was spraying pesticides on the plants and bushes. Didn’t they see the memos, the documentaries. That poor man is going to get terribly sick and our water table is being compromised and our air is compromised. What are we thinking? At our condo/jhotel coming home yesterday they were spraying the bricks outside our unit, I knew in my gut it was some type of round up. We asked, “should we be concerned about what your spraying?”. They said, welllll you should remove your shoes when you go inside. Those men have no idea. No one has told them the consequences for them and their babies.
They are putting beauty above health. That’s backwards.
My body: We were so good as a teenager weren’t we”? We followed all the rules and lived in the ”in between” world of wanting freedom but usually choosing taking care of my mother. People pleasing was the name of the game. I knew my mother needed support, a lot more than I could provide. Our dad knew that too. But back then we knew but we didn’t really, you did the best you could with what you were given. I guess we still do. And, when I did chose people pleasing over my mother, I would feel guilty and awful and take it out on me. Yeah remember that eating disorder, how my conflict around growing up and feeling guilty about it, all that emotion, that anger, that conflict, it all went down the toilet, a few times a day. It was such a weight.
Today what I can tell you?
In the end you’ve got to take care of you, before you can take care of anyone else. You know, put that oxygen mask on first. It’s vital you know.
The nasty things people say to you, its’ not about you. It never was or will be about you.
You don’t know what you don’t know. Find a professional to help you see your blind spots. It’ll take so many weights and miles off your journey.
Love your body, today, all of it. You’re perfect just the way you are. A friend of mine Jen, a beautiful amazing woman was obsessed with exercise, always striving for the perfect weight, perfect pant size. And at 40 she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Walking in the woods with her, she turned to me and said, my biggest regret was not loving my body just the way it was, it was perfect.
Seize the day, be kind, and honor the present. Like be all in wherever you are at that moment, cause then, it’s gone. Look people in the eye and always always always walk a mile in their shoes.
That’s all I got today!
Much love, your wiser, older self!
Welcome to Wonder 